Lesson 3 of 5 · Beginner
Check the answer before you use it
About 25–35 minutes, including the practice
You will need. Paper or a notes app, and the one-minute check from Lesson 1. A tool is optional. The flawed drafts in this lesson are enough to practice on.
What you will be able to do
- Name three different ways a fluent draft can still be unusable
- Mark invented facts, off-tone lines, and unauthorized claims on a sample
- Repair a draft by cutting, not by polishing the invention
- Decide when to revise the brief once instead of hunting for a luckier answer
A smooth paragraph is not a checked paragraph. Lesson 1 gave you four questions. This lesson slows the first three down, because most bad drafts fail in one of three places: a fact you did not give, a voice that is not yours, or a claim you did not authorize. The fourth question — could you send it — only matters after those three.
Our award-winning croissants are $4 and loved by everyone.
- Pass 1 · Facts
- Pass 2 · Voice
- Pass 3 · Claims
Three passes, not one impression
- Facts. Underline every price, time, name, quantity, ingredient, address, and promise. Ask “whose fact is this?” If the answer is not “mine, and I checked it,” it is not ready.
- Voice. Read it aloud. If it could be a flyer for a different shop, mark the words that do that work: unveils, exclusive, foodies, magical, don’t miss out.
- Claims. Circle best, guaranteed, official, award, loved by, number one, limited time, and any sentence that puts words in a customer’s mouth.
Specific numbers are where inventions like to hide. A tidy “$25,” “opens at 8,” or “loved by brides across the city” sounds researched. Sounding researched is not a source.
Hypothetical: a draft Elena should not post
Do not publish
A fluent draft with the problems labeled
This Friday only, Flores Naranjo unveils an exclusive ranunculus experience, loved by brides across the city. Bouquets from $25. Come early — we open at 8 and the award-winning window will not last.
Unauthorized urgency
“This Friday only” is a claim Elena did not make. A Friday note is not the same as a deadline she invented.
Invented offer
“Exclusive ranunculus experience” names a flower she may not have this week and dresses it up as an event.
Invented customers
“Loved by brides across the city” is praise from people who were not asked. It is also a wedding claim she did not authorize.
Invented price
“From $25” is a number. If it is not on her list, it is not a draft detail. It is a false price.
Invented hours
“We open at 8” is the tidy hour from Lesson 1. Tidy is not the same as true.
Unauthorized award
“Award-winning” is a claim. Elena did not say it, so it does not get to stay because it sounds nice.
Wrong voice
“Unveils” and “experience” are flyer words. Her template asked for a note taped on the glass.
Cut first. Do not redeem the invention.
You are allowed to keep a sentence and delete half of it. Editing is the work, not a sign that you failed. You are not required to spend twenty minutes rescuing a draft that is mostly made of additions. If the markup is more ink than the original, tighten the brief and ask once.
Asking once with a clearer rule is different from regenerating until a paragraph feels lucky. Lesson 1 already warned against the lucky roll. A fair second try sounds like this: “Use only the facts in this brief. If something is missing, write [NEED A FACT] instead of guessing.” Then you stop and check again.
Hypothetical repair
What is left when the additions are gone
On Friday the window has dahlias and rosemary. That is what we have out today. Come by if you want to see them. We will not have a price in this note, and we are not booking weddings here.
That repair is plain on purpose. It still does the job: a neighbor can tell what is in the window. The last sentence is optional. Elena might delete it if she would rather not mention weddings at all. Deleting more is allowed. Adding a new charm is not.
A second hypothetical, for your hands
The practice below uses a different invented shop so you are not only re-marking Elena. Lavandería Norte is a neighborhood laundry. It is hypothetical. The flawed message is not a real complaint and not a recommended ad.
Facts the owner will stand behind
- The wash-and-fold left on Tuesday is ready for pickup today
- There is no new fee for this pickup
- The shop does not promise that every stain will come out
- Do not state a closing time in this message
- The voice should be short and plain
- Do not invent a review, a guarantee, or a discount
Practice draft — do not send
Mark this before you read the suggestion
Great news, valued customer! Your award-winning wash is ready and we guarantee every stain is gone. Pickup is free of our usual $6 rush fee if you arrive before we close at 6. Families across the neighborhood say we are the most trusted laundry in town.
Try it yourself first
Mark at least four problems before you open the suggested markup. Sort them into fact, voice, or claim.
Suggested markup, after you try
“Award-winning” is an unauthorized claim. “We guarantee every stain is gone” contradicts the owner’s fact: the shop does not promise that. “Usual $6 rush fee” invents a price and a fee policy. “Close at 6” invents hours. “Most trusted laundry” and “families say” invent a ranking and a chorus of customers. “Valued customer” and “great news” are flyer voice, not the short plain note that was requested.
A cleaned version, still hypothetical: “The wash-and-fold from Tuesday is ready for pickup today. There is no new fee for this pickup. We do not promise that every stain is gone. Come by when you can.”
Before a real shop sent even the cleaned version, someone would confirm the Tuesday order is actually ready and that no new fee applies. The lesson cannot confirm that for a real counter. The example has no real order behind it.
Recap
Check in three passes: facts, voice, claims. Cut what you did not supply. Do not sand an invention until it sounds polite. If the draft is mostly additions, fix the brief and try once. You still decide whether the result is fit to send.
Hands-on task
15 minutes
Choose Option A or Option B. The point is the markup, not a prettier paragraph.
Option A (preferred)
Take a draft you already got from a tool, or write the kind of overeager paragraph you have seen. Use only your own public facts. Remove names and contact details before you start.
Option B
Use the Lavandería Norte message above. Do not add a real person’s order, name, or phone.
Do this
- Make three passes. Label at least one invented fact, one voice problem, and one unauthorized claim. If your draft is missing one of those, say so — do not invent a problem to fill the blank.
- Write a cleaned version that does the actual job and adds no new business fact.
- Write one sentence about what you would verify in the real world before sending. If you used Option B, name what the laundry owner would have to check even though this shop is invented.
- Score yourself. A passing score is 8 out of 10. If the cleaned version still contains a number, a guarantee, or a customer quote you did not supply, it does not pass.
This exercise is practice. A cleaned paragraph is not a promise that customers will trust you, and it is not a credential.
Answer rubric
Score the markup and the cleaned version. Catching a problem counts only if you would actually remove it.
9–10: You can reuse this three-pass habit on the next draft without a new lesson.
8: Pass. Remove anything you only softened, then keep the cleaned version.
5–7: The markup is incomplete or the repair still smuggles a fact. Mark one more pass and rewrite the clean version once.
Below 5: Start from the three labels — fact, voice, claim — on the sample in the lesson. Do not decorate the bad draft.
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